luck

I am not a believer in luck, good or bad, but today feels a little bit like a "If it weren't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all" days.

I am doing the best I can to help or at least attempt to help make up for the financial deficit in our household. I am accepting commisioned side jobs of all sorts and am extremely grateful that there are side jobs available for me. I started a business with At Home America and am working my tush off, hoping that I will succeed. But juggling all of this with the lovely duties that come along with being a mom to an inquisitive toddler and more importantly a CF caregiver is nearly imposssible and is draining the life out of me.

I am not complaining, in fact I would not have it any other way. I am truly blessed to have these opportunities to generate income but at the same time I feel like a deserve a morning to sleep late and a bit of undisturbed "me time" that involves soaking in the tub, exfoliating, and painting my nails.

The miniature meltdowns I have been experiencing all morning have been escalating and that is why I am currently taking a moment to breathe and a moment to vent.

I have much to accomplish before my first real At Home America HomeShow this evening and have been multi-tasking all day. Coffee while banking and feeding Nathan bits of corn muffin smother in cream cheese. I used to savour every sip of my morning coffee but I am beginning to wonder why I even bother anymore. And breakfast? I may have had a few bites of Nathan's corn muffin but I am not quite sure. And I also may have had a forkful or two of leftover ham that my neighbor made for us last week. Again, not quite sure.

Then I began writing a last minute shopping list of items needed for this evening. Nathan ripped it up while I was organizing papers and small gifts. I began writing a new last minute shopping list, typed a text message to my father begging him to come watch Nathan for an hour so I could run to the store. Thank God! He said, YES!

So I began sterilizing Nathan nebulizer cup and mask and while that was degermifying I gave him two puffs of his Albuterol inhaler. I continued to organize my materials for this evening then stopped Nathan from shredding important papers so that I could begin his Hypertonic Saline treatment. My father arrived mid treatment and Nathan began to put up a fight, so I did something I don't normally do and stopped mid treatment. I grabbed a handful of chocolate chips, maybe it was more like two handfuls, and left to get what I needed at the stores.

Quick trip to Staples then a pit stop at Arby's for some curly fries and a diet coke at 11 am. Refuel at the gas station so I wouldn't have to worry about that on the way to the HomeShow then finally Walmart. I ate my fries while throwing various items into the shopping cart at Walmart and then returned home.

I placed my bags on the kitchen table only to have Nathan pull down the 4 dollar and something cent gallon of whole milk I just purchased and have it explode on the floor. I used a roll and a half of paper towels to clean up the mess since our mop is upstairs and I didn't want to have the stairs consume the last of my remaining energy. I threw our kitchen rug out on the deck in the rain so I wouldn't have to battle the odor of sour milk in the future.

Nathan and I finished the last 5-10 minutes of his Hypertonic Saline solution and CPT (chest percussion therapy) during which he fell asleep, thank God!!! Changed his diaper and put him down for a nap, threw a load of diapers into the washing machine, layered cookie ingredients in a mason jar, and here I am!

Perhaps I should think of eating something nutritious, regrouping, surviving the day, and looking forward to this evening.

I can only imagine what life would be like if I had returned to teaching this year. The grading, the lesson plans, the conferences, the school duties and meetings and Nathan's treatments?! Today's experience tells me that my decision to resign from teaching was the correct decision.

I need sleep.